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Fore? More like 3 million

Golfer Alan Greco plays to a 32 handicap, which is bad enough. But now he’s being sued for $3 million because his errant shot hit a co-worker during an outing at a private New York club in July 1993.

James Henn was sipping a drink on a patio near the 18th green when Greco’s shot went off line, hit Henn in the forehead and knocked him cold. Henn’s lawyer claims Greco didn’t give Henn enough warning, yelling “Fore!” only after his shot was headed for the patio.

Like he’s supposed to yell BEFORE he swings?

The comeback from hell

Tonya Harding’s lifetime ban by the U.S. Figure Skating Association isn’t stopping her from planning a return.

Her new publicist, David Hans Schmidt, is working overtime. “We’re going to unveil Tonya II,” said Schmidt, adding that Harding will reveal her intentions at a press conference in April. “It’s a whole new Tonya. And it’s the right time.”

Harding, 25, was stripped of her national title and banned by the USFSA for her role in the clubbing of Nancy Kerrigan.

Bill Hybl, who chaired the panel that barred Harding, said he doubted the association’s board would vote to let her back in.

That’s where Schmidt comes in. “In all respects, I don’t believe that Mr. Hybl is cognizant of the totality of all the circumstances in regard to my client,” he said, without notes. “I will be more than happy to display the totality of these circumstances to Mr. Hybl and planet Earth at our press conference.”

Harding is resolute: “O.J. Simpson has his image back. I have done everything anyone has asked of me. What I want is a chance to skate again. I want my image back. Everyone is making money in the sport but me. I don’t think that’s fair, especially because I am the reason they are making all this money.”

That’s the point, Tonya. They’re making money because you’re gone. Go salvage your image in the WWF.

Stormy Knight

According to Gene Wojciechowski of the Chicago Tribune, “New Reds manager Ray Knight, who might want to think about switching to decaf, is as subtle as Schottzie 02 during an on-field potty stop.

“The hyper-intense Knight had a recent disagreement/shouting match with, among others, star outfielder Reggie Sanders, and there are grumblings he wouldn’t know how to lighten up if someone made him breathe helium.”

Diagram this, Bruins

In the wake of Princeton’s victory over UCLA in the first round of the NCAAs, Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register queried Tigers coach Pete Carill.

“What’s happened to basketball is the same thing that’s happened to the English language,” Carill said. “Used to be, you had to diagram a sentence. Now kids say, ‘Why do I have to do that?”’ As Whicker put it, “Diagram a sentence? UCLA couldn’t even stay on the subject.”

The last word …

“Purdue is the biggest choking dog team in the worst choking dog conference. Every year Purdue goes paws up early. Purdue couldn’t have been a shakier No. 1 seed if it played its home games on the San Andreas fault.”

- Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo

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