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Yeah, but what was his score on the 18th?

Pete Doerr started the back nine at the Coldwater (Mich.) Country Club with a hole in one, two birdies and two pars, making his scorecard read 1-2-3-4-5.

Stop us if you’ve heard this one

A man walks into a bar. Oops, it’s White Sox manager Terry Bevington, and he’s headed for Rich Garcia’s table.

It all happened last weekend on Rush Street in Chicago, when Bevington spotted Garcia sitting inside the popular Gibson’s bar and restaurant, came in and accosted the 22-year veteran umpire in a loud confrontation that escalated into shoving and dueling headlocks.

Bartender Joe Nasci, who broke up the skirmish, was reluctant to say much. But he told the Chicago Sun-Times, “You know how it gets, late at night. If people start shouting, you want to stop something.”

Bevington, who was ejected four times last year in his first two months as manager (drawing a warning from American League president Gene Budig), issued a statement that read: “We had a disagreement, the details of which or what it was about we’re not going to get into. Within a five- to 10-minute period, everything was resolved. I have no problem with Rich Garcia.”

American League spokeswoman Phyllis Merhige said, “If they settled it, that’s good enough for us. We’re not looking for trouble.”

No need to look when Bevington’s out beating the streets.

Don’t give up your day job

This just in: Bob Devaney, who coached Nebraska to two national football championships and was responsible for expanding the entire athletic program, has retired at the age of 81 as athletic director emeritus for health reasons.

Just how do you retire from being emeritus?

Gone with the wind

Pirates coach Rich Donnelly has vivid impressions of wind-blown Candlestick Park. He recalled to Paul Meyer of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette that he even changed cap sizes there.

“I usually wear 7-1/4,” he said. “But there I wore 7-1/8 so my hat wouldn’t blow off. By the seventh inning, I’d always have a severe headache. But you couldn’t have your hat blow off - especially if your hat is the bunt sign.”

Or the hat and run.

No, honey, I didn’t win the lottery, but…

A 20-year-old Littleton, Colo., man beat out 15 other hockey fans for the right to take home the Stanley Cup. Matthew McCarty will keep the NHL’s 103-yearold silver trophy for 4 hours and share in the Colorado Avalanche’s victory. The league and J.C. Penney conducted the raffle.

A history buff, McCarty said he is anxious to view the names of a century’s worth of hockey greats.

“I’ve always wanted to read the Cup,” McCarty said.

Which will make him the best-read hockey fan in the world.

The last word …

“Massachusetts will need Janitor in a Tank to clean up after John Calipari.”

- Bernie Lincicome, Chicago Tribune

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo

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