Anyone catch the Mariners' retro uniforms tonight? How could you miss them? They went in the way-back machine to 1982 for their ensemble against the Milwaukee Brewers. Leave it to the M's to make the Brewers' retro uni's look conservative. Those uniforms – or pretty much anything that came out of the late 1970's and early 80's – are a testament to just how far we've come in the last thirty years. It's right up there with the Berlin Wall being torn down, the invention of the internet, and the dollar menu at any fast food joint.
Seattle's uniforms rank with some of the worst of all-time. Here are my worst uniforms of all-time:
Seattle Mariners ('82)
Only one team makes powder blue and gold look good, and it was the San Diego Chargers. It's so ugly I'm not posting a link to a photo. Watch the highlights at your own risk. The Mariners, to their credit, have come up with some brilliant uniforms since this debacle, starting with the big, golden "S" with Junior and company in the late 80's.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers ('76)
Imagine having an inoperable tumor resting somewhere between your brain and your eye sockets. This is the image you would see. But the pain you would feel from the tumor would pale in comparison to the bright orange burning your retinas. Have Jack Kevorkian on speed dial.
http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/01/29/gal_uniforms_buccaneers.jpg
Denver Nuggets (Early 1980's)
Anytime you have a skyline as the focal point of your logo, you know you're in trouble. Josh Baskin (Tom Hanks in "Big") was right: Who wants to play with a building?
http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/01/29/gal_uniforms_nuggets.jpg
Hot Dog on a Stick
If there is a hell, Hot Dog on a Stick is doing the catering. This is an abomination of a uniform, and any employee who has to wear that outfit should be paid well above minimum wage.
http://media.compendiumblog.com/images/blog_images//4165510b-e129-4c27-bf84-53da56304d0f/hot%20dog%20on%20a%20stick.jpg
San Diego Padres (1970's)
Who knew Dave Winfield could look so silly? Unless your name is the Cleveland Browns, the color brown has no business being on your uniform. No exceptions.
http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/01/29/gal_uniforms_padres.jpg
Dishonorable Mention:
Pirates (late 70's), Astros (late 70's), and the "New Coke" 49er prototyp helmet from 1991.
http://www.instantreplaysportcard.com/items/helmets/%2791%2049ers%20proto.jpg
