The search for the Pac-10's twelfth and final (we think) team is over. Commissioner Larry Scott wooed Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and, eventually, Utah, trying to convince them to play ball with the kids out west, including the new kids on the block from the Rockies. And those are just the schools we know about. For all we know, Notre Dame, ITT, and the Sequoia Institute were also in the mix. I wish I was kidding.
I liken Scott's quest to bag a new school to Mike Damone in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." You remember the scene, don't you? Damone is telling the nerdy Mark Ratner how to pick up a girl. Thanks to IMDB.com, here's the dialogue:
Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.
Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.
Commissioner Scott is Mike Damone! You put out the vibe to everyone and chances are something is going to happen.
Now we have to figure out what. just. happened.
The Pac-10 has 12 teams. The Big 12 has 10 teams. And the Big 10 has 12 teams. Mmm'kay?
Not even Chad Ochocinco is in such dire need of a name change than these three conferences. My suggestion? Why, thanks for asking!
The Pac-10 shall now be called the P90X. I figure that's a safe number. After all, there are 347 Division I programs in the NCAA. Surely the Pac-10 can land just 78 more teams before the end of the summer. Oh, and P90X has a nice ring to it.
The Big 12? It remains the Big 10 of course! And the Big 10 will still be the Big 12. If the NCAA refuses to change its bowl system into a playoff system in college football, why do anything that makes sense? Why change now?
In the wacky trip that is college athletics, I'm happy to be your navigator. Email me your thoughts at sports@khq.com .
